Identity Theft...

...aka things I have learned while being single

So far this week has started off in such a climatic way that it even boggles me!  That however is not what I am going to be focusing on.  


So I'm a people observer and I pay close attention to not just what people say but what people do not say in their words and actions.


I have noticed through the years how so often how our married brothers and sisters completely lose their sense of self within their spouse and marriage.  I mainly attribute this to the fact that these same married people had no sense of self before they got married.  

People find out who you are -- revel in it!  

When I was a teenager I had such an identity crisis -- hell, some of that rolled right on over into adulthood.  I was that lightskin girl with that "Good hair" who folks was always trying to pigeon hole me as "bougie", "wealthy", "stuck up", "trophy girlfriend" and all that BS!! I laugh and shake my head as I type this because funny how people love to throw labels and assumptions!


I entered college and tried to fit in by joining certain college groups, becoming sexually promiscuous thinking that would gain me an "in", getting "saved"and becoming religious, becoming that "conscious" sister -- I promise you when I look at Common's video " I used to love H.E.R - I swore he could have been singing about me and my evolution even though he was talking about the evolution of rap.

I really was a lost soul.

It is funny to me now when I look back on it - but Lordy I just knew I had cornered the market on knowledge in each phase I was in.  As an older single woman NEVER been married I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to go through these evolutions without that additional person in my life because good googly moogly I can not even begin to think how much more confused I may be or how much longer it would have taken me to "FIND" me so to speak.  I have learned as a single person not to place my identity within anything or anyone.

When I reference anything that is inclusive of faith, career, education, activities, wealth or etc.  

None of these things define you!  

None of it!  Trust me!  

I have a strong faith in God and you may or may not be able to tell from my blog that I am really a spiritual woman -- I like to shoot the breeze.  I do occasionally curse, listen to "secular" music, laugh at inappropriate foolishness and all in all have a joyful life.  Just because another may listen to Marvin Sapp + Mahalia Jackson and Yolanda Adams don't curse and virtually live at their place of worship does NOT make them any closer to salvation than a person who does the exact opposite.

When I reference anyone that is inclusive of my child, my family, my friends and those I socialize with.  

Many people single/married a like lose themselves within their children, partners, spouses, other family members or friends lives.  They spend so much time correcting, advising, gossiping, and involving themselves in others lives that when you ask them about who they are -- they couldn't tell you one sentence about who they are.


The common thread of most of my blogs is finding a sense of self!  People seriously learn who you are - don't let others lack of identity make you feel subordinate or ashamed.


Because truth be told they are envious of certain aspects within your own life or lack thereof in their life.  I had someone say to me several nights ago "it must suck to be an almost 40 single woman never married".  They think I didn't hear the comment because I rolled right on and didn't even feel the desire to check them on their statement.  However, in that person's statement their was envy, their was insecurity, their was anger, their was fear.    What they were really saying was "it sucks for ME to be an almost 40 year old male who is single never married".  Funny how people take their emotions and want to thrust them on you.  


Are there things I want and am in the process of changing regarding my life? Yes.  No I have not have not had my Mecca moment - but I really, really like who I am.  Makes me laugh to even say it, cause I feel like an old Saturday Night Live skit 

The thing that troubles me most honestly is just stability in finances for me -- but questioning the content of my character - No way, Jose'.  My best friend and I were speaking today and she too concurred my sentiments -  by the way shout out to the best friend in my world Lenita L. Henderson, that girl knows she can make me cry at the drop of a dime!


The whole point of today's blog is, singles loving yourself means learning your self; the good, the bad and the ugly. When and if you get married it will make one less issue you and your mate will have to add to the dynamics of disagreements you will have.  In this age of identity theft in terms of credit -- you should protect and know who YOU are just as good if not better than your credit.

And if you are married, if you have become lost and or having issues within your marriage that you all are NOT discussing -- maybe the issues start with YOU.  Maybe you need to find some way to travel back to your center or even begin the discovery of your center.  Don't wait ...because time as we know waits for NO ONE.


So no it does not suck being close to 40, single and never married - it just means my priorities are in other places and my happiness is not contingent upon another person or thing.

Our video of the week is Didn'cha Know: Erykah Badu - Mama's Gun

Walk not run....

So last week was definitely a change for my local community.  We received snow and of course like most southern cities it shut ours down for 3 WHOLE days!  The third day wasn't even needed truth be told. So that meant I did not get back to work until Thursday, which was alright with me since Friday I was off anyhow.  While out on my unexpected Winter wonderland break, it allowed me some time to catch up on the blogs, I like to read and listen to.  I like to listen to radio podcast and blog talk radio I confess, it makes me feel like I am listening to talk radio/NPR which is one of my favorite type of radio programming.  I have enough music of my own so I don't need to spend my time in transit listening to some foolish radio personality and his buffoon team play music that I would never buy!

Many of the topics as of late were all relationship oriented don't know if that is always a common thread but never the less that is what they were discussing.  It amazes me the volume of people in this world who are constantly blaming their lives on (insert person or excuse here).  I believe that an adult person needs to take accountability and responsibility for the current life that you have.  Nothing and I mean nothing happens by chance or just because.  Some where along the way we have participated in certain decisions that have led us to the current circumstance that we are in.  Whether it is being unemployed, a bad relationship, bad communication with family members, not financially stable, weak spirituality or whatever it is -- we partially are responsible for where we are right at this moment.

We must begin to stop blaming the white man, the black man, the black woman, the white woman, momma/daddy or lack thereof, being poor, uneducated or whatever your crutch is.  

When you look at yourself in the mirror, you see a grown adult. SO START FROM THERE!  


Leave all the nonsense behind and alone.  Stop accusing/blaming others.  I listen to one blog talk radio and I promise you it sounded like the re-enactment of the Sister Circle from the Jungle Fever movie where Lonnette Mckee was talking about how the black man is (feel free to fill in the blank with ANY HOST of negativity).  In my mind I was like seriously??  Seriously this is where we still are??  I am so sick of black women blaming the black man for every single freaking thing!  I mean these women to me were so trivial as to say because it rains its the black mans fault!  On the flip side I am tired of hearing many black men do the same....

People get a grip, all people of all ethnicities have issues. Just because you are not privy to them doesn't mean they are not there.  People need to learn to execute common sense, good judgement, and logic and stop being sucked in by mislead wounded people spewing their own propaganda.  And don't give me that "Common sense isn't so common" excuse.  We all have a conscience, we hear those whispers telling us when we should leave something alone or not do xyz however you push forward ignoring your truth. 

Now you're to quote my daddy (Lord knows he had a way of words) "Sliding down a razor blade into an alcohol river" OUCH! Sounds painful right?!  That is exactly what you're doing -- when you continue to execute poor judgement in all areas of your life. Whether it is mentally/emotionally, physically, spiritually, on your job or in the variety of relationships that we have with people every day.  

People race through life ignoring the obvious and don't take the needed time to let things evolve and play out. We jump in and out of relationships like you are changing your jeans! Shoot you might wear or have a pair of jeans longer than the person you were last involved with!  You do not give yourself the needed to time to really get to know someone before you are full throttle engulfed into their lives and this is not limited to sex.  I mean you have your hands in their family life, business life, social life even in their spiritual life. 

To that I say SLOW YOUR ROLL KEMO SABE!  

Take a step back -- no don't just take a step back take a whole staircase of steps back!  How are you fixing someone else's life and your's is in crumbles?  Many of you know of the trials I have experienced throughout 2010 and I am still on that road to wellness that I spoke of a couple months ago.  People sometimes assume because you are no long speaking of something -- means you are no longer continuing it -- that is not so.  Some of you need to take some relationship breaks and that is inclusive of the married that read my blog.  For the married that means you need to remove yourself from those that are too heavily involved in your marriage and you need to stop doing so much work outside of the home and start working inside of your own home.  The old saying says "Charity starts at home".  

For the singles like me -- begin to learn yourself. Learn what it is that you love about your self and the things that you sincerely need to correct and improve and stay the hell out of other peoples relationships!  

I promise you there are some seriously meddlesome people in this world male/female a like.  We don't need to read all these self-help magazines, books, DVDs and etc for you to know that you're on the slippery slope to hell!  

Just wake up and stop running!

Begin a stroll, a leisurely walk.  Take your time, start paying attention to the details, start really listening and tuning in and respond accordingly.  Stop second guessing your judgement and allowing others to make decisions for you and your home.  Take back the control for the direction you want to go, stop being so passive-aggressive in life and I honestly guarantee you that 2011 will be better than years past.  

The video of the week is from one of my truly truly favorite R&B singers Rahsaan Patterson!

Don't Run So Fast - Rahsaan Patterson: After Hours Album

Open Vessels...are you available??

So I started my new job on Monday, I reported to work just like the good little worker bee.  Early & eager to do the task set before me and then...


I find out that my director has decided to change my position and eliminate the role of Executive Assistant.  So I am like, OK!  As long as I get paid and still got a job - I don't care!!


Ya'll I think God is the original stand-up comedienne because the way he works is straight hilarious!  


So my new position is...Technology/Computer Coordinator for the club, LOL!  I laugh because those who know me and know my resume knows this is all me up, down and sideways! Did I not just write on my last blog about serving and educating???  So I am now responsible for the computer lab, all computers in the center and providing programming for the kids.  My kids are aged 5-12, so ya'll know -- I am in for it!  


The transition was smooth of course since I already have that background, let me tell you -- them kids hate me something AWFUL!  I wish you could hear me laughing, it tickles me sooooo!  Well there was absolutely NO structure in the computer lab and being the child of an educator you know the first thing I did was get in there plop some rules down quick fast and in a hurry! 
The rules are(more may come later)

1. Students must ask if they may use a computer
2. Students must sign in the computer log to what computer they will be using.
3. Students may only use the computer for 30 minutes for non-homework related time.
4. Students may NOT go to Facebook, Myspace, YouTube, Twitter, BBgames, Miniclip, FreeRealm or any gaming website with the ability to chat.
5. Students must properly close, log off the computer and place their chair back at their desks when done.

I am not having Chris Hansen of  Dateline's "To Catch A Predator" showing up at my Boys & Girls club!! hummph!

Those kids were sucking their teeth, rolling their little eyes, moaning, groaning and sending virtual killer arrows at me when I went over the rules.  You should have heard them yelling and fussing, LOL!!!  Several of them even decided to play the age old game of "press your luck"on me and ended up losing computer privileges the whole day and as I told one little Miss Growny (all of 4ft nothing and attitude bigger than Aretha Franklin and RuPaul combined) "Keep it up and you won't use the computer at all this week, this month OR for the rest of the year. "NOW RUN TELL THAT"  ahhahaa I really said run & tell that and was about to break out into the Antoine Dodson song, LMBO! That child stomped away from me -- like I stole her whole life away!

Now I was raised in one of those hard-core southern families, so being mean to children is like breathing, hahaha!  I say that in humor, but I am a strict parent, will sting my 3-years old behind or hand in my sleep! Think I am playing, watch my smoke and I will dare ANYBODY to call DSS/CPS on me! He came out my womb he's gonna do what I say! So anyhow, my week with the kids was too fun for me.

On a side note, I realized how out of shape I am in! Sitting home for 1 year and half does nothing for a woman's figure but make her look like a sack of potatoes!  I have elected to start the butt-kicking Master Cleanse on Monday, January 10, 2011.  I am going to attempt to do it for 10-days by the will of God and go right into the Daniel Fast.  Not only do I want to strengthen my spiritual life but I believe both of these will help me be more focused with my weight-loss and mentally condition me for the journey ahead with my kiddies!  I came home from church today and made some lamb meatballs with spicy eggplant tomato sauce and jasmine rice. 


Here's the recipe if you want it Lamb meatball recipe  


You say what is bad about that...well I am a carb-holic and I gotta get all of these carbs up and out of my home.  I have Wasabi Peas, Wheat Thin Garden Vegetable chips(taste like delicious crackers), Kosher Dill Kettle potato chips, Bordeaux Pepperidge Farm Cookies, Potato Bread and more...I am going to have to give this stuff to my neighbor!!  


The Lord just keeps on blessing me!!  So last week when I called my rental office to find out what the credit had been made to my rental account she told me it was $375 and then a member in my church gave me a brand-new microwave for Christmas and brought it to church today!  I am so thankful!  I just sat in church today and cried.  There is no feeling in this world -- like knowing God really has his hands on your life.  If we would only -- just only yield so he can manifest your life in his way! God only wants to use the talents/gifts he has blessed you with to make a difference not only in others life but YOURS also.  He wants you to feel complete and content with the ability to serve, educate and perform whatever task he sets before you without hesitation and with confidence in knowing that it will be accomplished, SUCCESSFULLY!  For you to fill gratification in whatever you do -- and not feel lacking or that you have failed the task.  At the risk of sounding cliché "God really does love us. He really really does!" 


It really took me a while to learn this -- seriously.  When the choir sung, "Lord I am available to you" today I finally understood the true meaning of the words "my storage is empty and I am available to you".   I have finally really let myself be free to let God use me and it is such a peace and joy that comes from just letting go. When you cry -- you no longer cry from sadness. You cry from depth, meaning, purpose and plain old joy!  

God is using me at this club with those kids and although next Sat, I may come back and say I want to drop a bomb on the club -- I will not quit and I will still do exactly what he has instructed me to do!!

Pray for me as I start this cleanse!  I really am ready for this it - in order for God to supply me with good oil he must have a clean vessel to put it within.

Ciao' Bella!

Take a look at my video of the week. It spotlights what our youth can do if only we take the time to educate them and raise them in the way the God has instructed.

Lord I'm Available To You

No more Comfort Zone

 "Today is the first day of the rest of your life". - Charles Dederich

By the end of the month today will be a blur to most, who am I kidding by the end of the week, it'll be a blur(smile).  However, if you get some time alone -- think about where you are right now and where you are going.  I know many people have written/videoed all these deep inspirational thoughts/sayings for you, so I guess I'll throw mine right in there with the bunch.

As you already know the end of 2010 was such an overwhelming blessing for me.  The job that I so passionately wanted, I was finally hired on.  My Director called me to wish me a Happy New Year, stated he is looking forward to working together in 2011 and emailed me my hours which are so perfect for me.  I so look forward to Monday!!  


Anyway I wanted to just say just because it is a new year does not mean challenges and adversity have remained behind in 2010, but what can be left behind in 2010 is how you think/face those issues. Everyday we rise we will not have the most positive way of thinking or feel wonderful - but it is in these days that we have to try even harder to not allow ourselves to become anxious and unfocused on our goals.

For me I got so caught up in continuously seeing what I was not and where I was not, that it was having serious  effects on me mentally, physically and spiritually.  Mentally, I felt so beaten and so overwhelmed.  Physically, I gained weight and on medication. Spiritually, I was completely off-track!  I kept measuring my happiness and success by what was occurring in others lives.  I really became blinded so much so that I was completely frustrated and ready to throw in the towel.  I was angry - and I mean real angry. Angry, I did not have a job, angry that I had gained weight (funny the foolishness you get mad at God for -- he didn't make me eat that food), angry I did not have a man in my life(when you are 30+ do you still call men boyfriends, LOL), angry I was not getting the grades I hoped for, just a big ol ball of anger.  It took my friend TNK to call me out one day -- and boy did they put me in check!  I was so mad at TNK I could have done something evil like work a root if I knew how, LOL!!  Funny, TNK  knew I was madder than a viper but didn't care. That brings me to another point, We all have to have that person or person's in your life who words will cut you like a knife even if it is to save your life! People's whose honesty is raw and unadulterated.  Now this just can not be just anyone but God knows the special person/people who you will be able to receive the truth from and not reach over there and strangle them when they are done.  Know this when they say something, you're gonna be highly pissed off when they are done but it is what it is -- sometimes we all need a kick in the tushy!

THANK YOU TNK!!

Today is a new day - usually I would be in Church - but I opted to stay home today.

I thought about how God truly blessed me in 2010 and has been carrying me for so long.  Some don't subscribe to a belief in a higher being or they like to reference it as the "Universe".  I just can not do that -- my spirit complete rejects that philosophy, I know for a fact that as the elders sing "If it had not been for the Lord, I don't know where I would be"  I can truly relate.  

I thought about what is my intention for writing this blog.  Initially it was just an outlet for me an online journal so to speak - however it has truly challenged me to be transparent with myself and those who read my writings. I have let that anger go and decided to really just let myself be me and just be free of all nonsense.  I believe we are all here to ultimately do two things and they are summed into two tasks: To Serve and To Educate.  I have always found myself in careers that have done both of these and I have also found that jobs that allow me to serve and educate allow me to be at my happiest and my very best.  

My new job definitely allows me serve and educate, THANK YOU GOD!

Serving and Educating are the cornerstones that I was raised on.  Mostly everyone in my family share these two characteristics and oddly enough their lives also evolve around executing these same beliefs.  I believe in letting my life be of service to assist, guide, and help in some way or another while educating you. 

So as I move into 2011, I promise to serve and educate you in some way.   I am coming out of my comfort zone and will no longer remain complacent with the way things have been.  I will make a concerted effort to change something each and everyday so as to push me further towards my goals.  Hopefully, my writings will prompt change in your life as I am changing things in mine.  

Have a Happy New year looking forward to what is to come.

Comfort Zone - Marvin Sapp: Here I Am Album