Daily devotionals that I hope inspire others in their Christian walk while assisting me to strive to be a better woman and the woman that God has called me to be.
In the past I have spoken about how I have a goal of returning back to school and completing my education. For a while I was in school working towards my Paralegal degree, however a road block occurred and so this semester I am not in school. At first I will be honest, I was so frustrated I could not even see straight. If you know me, then you know how passionate it means to me to complete my education.
Right now in my life, I feel not only for personal accomplishment but fiscally, the only way I am going to be able to provide a secure environment for my son and I is either through the acquisition of a very good job, attaining my degree or my business begin reaping some financial rewards preferably all three. Although, the goal that I most desire above all is to walk across someones stage and be conferred my Baccalaureate degree. When I tell you that is my immediate passion, it makes me angry every time I think of all that I am having to go through just to have this goal accomplished!
Financially life is such a challenge for myself, I am sure like many of you. I chose to focus on the blessings that I have and not allow the day-to-day issues to constantly way me down. At times, it takes all the strength, I have just to smile even though I know of the blessings I have received and I know that things will get better. So to add school into the mix you know some days I want to just scream, but I am not a quitter and I am pushing forward and finding some way to jump these hurdles that are placed in from me.
I have been watching many YouTube videos and I have come to determine that I am not Natural I am just Relaxer-free.
Why do you I say this you ask?
Well, I color my hair, the products I use are NOT homemade and/or purchased from an "All Natural" seller/creator.
The food I eat is not vegan/vegetarian.
The clothing I wear is not hemp or 100% cotton.
The products I use interms of makeup and skin care are not all Natural either.
AND I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH MY DECISION.
I honestly feel that some women within the "Natural" Community are what I deem to be Natural Nazis! What I mean is, if you are not using non-sulfate, non-silicone, pure this and pure that then obviously that is the reason why I am not achieving the"success" or "results" that I am seeking. Sometimes I feel that some do not respect others walk in Relaxer/Chemical-free hair care. They want to verbally force/attack you because you opt not to adapt the routine they are using for their hair.
Just because you and I may have similar hair texture/type now by default I am supposed to use the same products? Break the bank ordering a gazillion different items for my hair and thus developing into some product junkie searching for the holy grail of hair products?
All the while do you put the same effort into the items that you eat??
Are you supporting your local and organic community within your area with the items you ingest and wear? Or are you only concerned about using Natural Products JUST for your hair?
NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.
Things you ingest also affect the texture of your hair and condition of your scalp/skin.
What about environment? Do you recognize that just because you may be a Type (fill in the blank on your hair type or texture) hair living in New York, Florida, California or Oregon that does not mean the same products will affect and effect my type 3C hair on the North Carolina coast or Las Vegas or Tennessee.
My hair has different needs than yours depending upon the area you live in.
What about cost? I don't know about others but as much as my heart may want to support many of the Natural products and lines, I just can not do it! Many of us are either unemployed, damn near close to being unemployed, or living pay check to pay check. Some develop a "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality in terms of constantly purchasing hair products all the while never giving the previous product they purchased enough time to penetrate their hair to see if it will effectively work.
And Lastly I am not a freaking beautician! If I wanted to go to beauty school to learn about all the dog gone products within certain items and how they do what they do -- I would have trotted my big butt right on there. BUT I DIDN'T
So don't come at me with I need not use "cone's", sulfate, ethyl alcohol or whatever...all things are not bad -- just as all things are not good.
I am for balance in all you do.
Being too extreme in anything can polarize others and make it difficult for some to accept or relate to your decision. Whether you say you care or not, most people do care what other's think and don't be so aggressive in your "suggesting" or "advice" to others in regards to personal choices.
I decided to write this post after reading a variety of comments of various YouTube channels. There are some women who are rude and straight nasty in their delivery when speaking to people in terms of their YouTube videos and what products they use or don't use. They get into comment wars going back and forth with one another opposed to respecting another's choices and realizing that maybe you are not in a position to afford that $45 hair butter or $38 Hair Lotion, oh and I'd like to add that is without tax and shipping/handling!!!
I really needed to vent my thoughts and through a line out there and see if there were others even if it were just one who felt the same way I have been feeling. I don't need an explanation or excuse why people do what they do but I do want people to please just stop being "Hair Bullies and Natural Nazi's"
If you are offended by my post then deal with it -- maybe you are one of the ones who are inflicting discomfort on the rest of us.
P.S. Those who know me and their are several in this community who do know me -- know me not to be a negative person at all -- however when something really irks me, I chose to go ahead and speak on it, be done and move on.
I was having a conversation with a new acquaintance and in our discussion I revealed that I had never been in-love. I know it is shocker, but for me I really had to really just be honest. I have had heightened emotions of like and concern but real love, no.
I think honestly if we sit and think about the times we say we were so in love with (fill in the blank), if you are honest with yourself you really were not in-love. You were captivated and infatuated with the aura and feelings associated with the relationship you were having at that moment.
I have come to realize I really desire to be in-love. I don't think it is weak or sad it's just a fact. I desire to be in a healthy, fun, mutually respected, deeply involved, loving relationship with a man that I can call my best-friend, lover and subsequent husband.
Ye this is one of those post but not one of THOSE post.
I am not some bitter woman recanting things of yore, I am however thinking of now and the future.
I am not imaginative or day dreaming on some black knight to come sweep me away. I enjoy my life and I know as time goes on it is going to do nothing but get better. I am patient, but that does not decrease my desire to have that special person in my life and sometimes it takes you having certain conversations for you to be able to acknowledge this fact without appearing whiny or envious.
My brother has been married 21 years and one of my other best friends has been married at least 8 years. Both of these couples are in their 30s and their mates are truly their closest friends. I have definitely been witness to some of their ups and downs and how they weathered through it all. My sister Leanna(really one of my best friends but the girl has been knowing me so long she might as well be my biological sister, LOL) and her husband Myron has taught me so much in terms of relationship dynamics -- shoot I still remember when they were dating! Interesting her husband Myron, is truly my brother -- he will knock you men out over me -- just giving you forewarning, LOL! The relevance in this when you have excellent examples of relationships that are built towards working marriages it gives you a model to look towards.
I believe it is ok to put out in the universe what your hearts desire is. I believe if it is pure and it is within Gods will that it will come into fruition. I also have a true desire to have a relationship with someone for once that is not Fedex overnight express -- meaning one week we're dating and the next week we are attached at the hip. I think in todays microwave society, it is socially accepted for you to connect with people faster that you can digest a meal. I will say because of all the technology associated with communication it does cut down on the amount of dating time that once was, because now you can stay in constant communication and learn each other much quicker that the past. However nothing can replace experiences, events and memories built together. Those are some of the foundations that relationships are built on -- those are the moments that when you are having challenging days you can reflect on things you have done together -- opposed to just texting, tweeting, calling one another or having sex.
Today you have more people building relationships solely or bedroom dynamics opposed to anything of substance. If there are 24 hours a day and you spend on average an hour in the bed together -- the remainder of the day you STILL have to have a strong method of communication. The problem is people spend NO time together and only come together with the intent of sleeping together and they are unable to have a healthy, balanced, common sense discussion with each other. When they finally really get to talking they realize they really don't like each other and they're only staying involved because of the sex. That has got to be a miserable eye-opener.
I am at an age in my life that I desire a relationship. I am not that woman that is going to be yelling you complete me or some mess.
I just want something that would allow me an opportunity to smile just a little more than I have been. So with that said, don't take this as some wimpy ass post about long lost love and crap because trust it is not -- I am definitely not reminiscing... I am just expressing a desire and I know my God will grant it in his time.
Ciao'
Your video of the week: Wanna Be Loved - Jill Scott The Real Thing: Words and Sounds, Vol. 3
On Monday, Feb 7th was my 38th birthday, I pause and allow you that moment to say
Happy Birthday, Fawn
#pause
LOL!!, Ok thank you, thank you very much. I bow in appreciation. I have mentioned before that I honestly never thought I would make it beyond my 34th birthday. Why do I say such a morbid statement? Well my mother passed at the young age of 34 from a brain aneurysm so I guess I just always felt that I would share the same fate. Amazing the foolish things we embed into our brains. Well I can honestly say I really didn't start living UNTIL 34!
At 34, I had my first child and for the past 3 years my life has been definitely a been love roller coaster.
My son has brought me so much joy and blessings within my life. I remember how before he was born, I was just so unhappy and how since he has entered this world not only has he brought "sunshine to my life" but so many others. When I learned I was pregnant I knew immediately what I would name him. As pregnant mom's we bounce all these names around and to be honest even before then. As women you dream of when you have children and pick out certain names; but I am here to tell you when that child gets here a lot of that gets scratched and thrown out the window, because as soon as you see your child's face -- you automatically know -- yes this is what your name will be.
I chose to name my son Dynzcil Benjamin Rhodes-Davis and before you incorrectly say his name let me help you, it sounds like PENCIL with a D. Now say it and look at it, as you can see and hear the pronunciation. People want to call my son DENZEL but he was not named after Mr. Denzel Washington, the honorable man he is, he was named after a more deserving man and that is my brother Keith. Dynzcil is my brother's middle name and he was named after my mother's favorite Uncle. Like my mother I chose to name my son's middle name after my favorite Uncle Carl Benjamin, Uncle Benny to me. My son has such a dynamic personality and he just draws people in even at three years old! I will not lie it his hard reeling him in sometimes but a child will be a child so I tend to let him have some leeway.
I look at Dynnie and he teaches me how to be free, how to be accepting, how to be loving, how to be patient, how to be limitless, how to smile, how to laugh. He also teaches me that life without structure will be chaos and we need discipline to keep us focused. He teaches me to follow through. He teaches me to be committed to whatever task or whatever I say. He teaches me possibilities and perseverance. Needless to say that it appears that he is teaching me more than I am teaching him. Who would've known that a year and 3 months after my son was born that Barack Hussein Obama II would be electedour first African American President. Whatever your political alliances are, it really does not matter for it will never ever take a way from this moment in history.
Our President is the embodiment of our ability to overcome what challenges lay before you and the manifestation of our forefathers dreams. When I look at the blessing that my son is to me and I look at the present, of who our President is. I see his past and my son's future all at once. For this to be February the so-called month of Love and Black History month -- the two tie in together just because of my love for my son and the historical relevance of our President both of them are young, gifted and black!
My son brings out the woman of excellence within me! He makes me walk tall, stand proud, and stare at the world and say "I am an overcomer!!" Sometimes I sit and think about of all I have gone through and how my God has been with me all the way. I am a survivor y'all and I am not ashamed to admit it. I am a survivor of verbal abuse, physical abuse, my own personal mental torments, economic challenges, health challenges, and just the ebb and flow of life. I walk into my future knowing that I am anointed for whatever call of duty that God has for me. I stand in my truth and force you to accept yours. Gone are the days of doubting who I am or where I am going. There is a peace in just accepting your role in life and the direction it is going.
I am going to leave you with two video versions of young, gifted and black. Now I love my Nina Simone & Donny Hathway versions but since our Queen of Soul is facing health issues right now and in need of our prayers I selected Aretha Franklin. The other version is just a fun version by Don Baron that I remember hearing in the 80's
But wait there's more.....LOL! Here's what I'll do for ya! I"ll link the other's just in case you want to hear those instead.
I know, I know how nice of me :-)
Have a wonderful Valentines Day and Kiss & Hug somebody!
So far this week has started off in such a climatic way that it even boggles me! That however is not what I am going to be focusing on.
So I'm a people observer and I pay close attention to not just what people say but what people do not say in their words and actions.
I have noticed through the years how so often how our married brothers and sisters completely lose their sense of self within their spouse and marriage. I mainly attribute this to the fact that these same married people had no sense of self before they got married.
People find out who you are -- revel in it!
When I was a teenager I had such an identity crisis -- hell, some of that rolled right on over into adulthood. I was that lightskin girl with that "Good hair" who folks was always trying to pigeon hole me as "bougie", "wealthy", "stuck up", "trophy girlfriend" and all that BS!! I laugh and shake my head as I type this because funny how people love to throw labels and assumptions!
I entered college and tried to fit in by joining certain college groups, becoming sexually promiscuous thinking that would gain me an "in", getting "saved"and becoming religious, becoming that "conscious" sister -- I promise you when I look at Common's video " I used to love H.E.R - I swore he could have been singing about me and my evolution even though he was talking about the evolution of rap.
I really was a lost soul.
It is funny to me now when I look back on it - but Lordy I just knew I had cornered the market on knowledge in each phase I was in. As an older single woman NEVER been married I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to go through these evolutions without that additional person in my life because good googly moogly I can not even begin to think how much more confused I may be or how much longer it would have taken me to "FIND" me so to speak. I have learned as a single person not to place my identity within anything or anyone.
When I reference anything that is inclusive of faith, career, education, activities, wealth or etc.
None of these things define you!
None of it! Trust me!
I have a strong faith in God and you may or may not be able to tell from my blog that I am really a spiritual woman -- I like to shoot the breeze. I do occasionally curse, listen to "secular" music, laugh at inappropriate foolishness and all in all have a joyful life. Just because another may listen to Marvin Sapp + Mahalia Jackson and Yolanda Adams don't curse and virtually live at their place of worship does NOT make them any closer to salvation than a person who does the exact opposite.
When I reference anyone that is inclusive of my child, my family, my friends and those I socialize with.
Many people single/married a like lose themselves within their children, partners, spouses, other family members or friends lives. They spend so much time correcting, advising, gossiping, and involving themselves in others lives that when you ask them about who they are -- they couldn't tell you one sentence about who they are.
The common thread of most of my blogs is finding a sense of self! People seriously learn who you are - don't let others lack of identity make you feel subordinate or ashamed.
Because truth be told they are envious of certain aspects within your own life or lack thereof in their life. I had someone say to me several nights ago "it must suck to be an almost 40 single woman never married". They think I didn't hear the comment because I rolled right on and didn't even feel the desire to check them on their statement. However, in that person's statement their was envy, their was insecurity, their was anger, their was fear. What they were really saying was "it sucks for ME to be an almost 40 year old male who is single never married". Funny how people take their emotions and want to thrust them on you.
Are there things I want and am in the process of changing regarding my life? Yes. No I have not have not had my Mecca moment - but I really, really like who I am. Makes me laugh to even say it, cause I feel like an old Saturday Night Live skit
The thing that troubles me most honestly is just stability in finances for me -- but questioning the content of my character - No way, Jose'. My best friend and I were speaking today and she too concurred my sentiments - by the way shout out to the best friend in my world Lenita L. Henderson, that girl knows she can make me cry at the drop of a dime!
The whole point of today's blog is, singles loving yourself means learning your self; the good, the bad and the ugly. When and if you get married it will make one less issue you and your mate will have to add to the dynamics of disagreements you will have. In this age of identity theft in terms of credit -- you should protect and know who YOU are just as good if not better than your credit.
And if you are married, if you have become lost and or having issues within your marriage that you all are NOT discussing -- maybe the issues start with YOU. Maybe you need to find some way to travel back to your center or even begin the discovery of your center. Don't wait ...because time as we know waits for NO ONE.
So no it does not suck being close to 40, single and never married - it just means my priorities are in other places and my happiness is not contingent upon another person or thing.
Our video of the week is Didn'cha Know: Erykah Badu - Mama's Gun
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