So 2010 has been the most challenging year of all my adult life. If it were not for God, I honestly have no idea how my son and I would have survived. This year has tested my faith in ways I cannot even begin to explain. It has taken me to some of my lowest lows; I honestly thought I was crazier than a bat out of hell!
I searched and questioned myself continuously. Cried and prayed and prayed and cried. Being out of work for the past 1 year and half really took jabs at my ego and questioned my ability to support my son. Just when I thought, I saw a ray of sunshine it would begin pouring down rain again.
Through it all the constant factor that remained is my commitment to serving God and loyal to one of the small but trusting requests he makes of us...that is to tithe. I am a faithful tither and I believe in the principal of 10 + 10 = 10% tithes & 10% offering. Now I say this to say, you must do what works for you and yours but as for me and my house ...this is one of my dedications back to God for all he has/does for me. No matter what I have, when I get it or the amount I pay my tithes. This is not a discussion on how much, when, who, why, what, or where you pay -- that is something you must come to terms with in your own way.
All of this leads me to the week of Dec 20-24.
On Sat, Dec 18, 2010 I received in the mail a letter from the local sheriff's office telling me I must immediately leave my apartment by Wed, Dec 22, 2010 1:00pm because I was being evicted from my home. Honestly, I read the letter and laid it down because what could I do at 11pm at night on a Sat???
Sunday passed and Monday I set in on gathering the remaining money I needed to stay in my home, Monday passed.
Tuesday, I continued to remain calm and I received a phone call to come back for a second interview on
Thursday for a position I interviewed for back on Nov 18. (I pause here to say -- on this interview I was with the employer for 3 hours, he checked my references while I was there and seemed very encouraging and that he would be in contact with me. I left feeling very good about the job and hoped I would have a job offer by the end of November -- but nothing came! I called this employer three times after waiting two weeks and sending the professional thank you letter all to find out he hired someone else for the job. I was so disappointed and angry! How do you interview someone for 3 hours, check their references and lead them to believe you would hire them??? Well after venting on Facebook I moved on and just continued my job search.)
Wednesday arrives and I have all my money except $267 -- I owed for Nov & Dec's rent and my apartment community was also requiring that I pay my January's rent in ADVANCE!!! January's rent was not due until Dec 25 and late by Jan 1 and they were requiring me to pay what was owed PLUS Jan rent to keep from being evicted. I went to the rental office and talked with the rental manager and explained there is no way I will have the $267 until Friday (mind you I had already given her $1572.70). She said, Fawn If you do not have the $267 by 5:30pm today we will HAVE to lock you out of your apartment, and to show she was serious -- she let the Sheriffs’ come and post the note on my door of the eviction and change my locks!! 5:30 arrives and sure enough -- I had to gather a suitcase full of clothes and Dynzcil and I were locked out! My uncle came by about 7pm and gave me $100; I took that to the rental office so as of Wed, Dec 22, 2010 I had paid my rental office $1672.70 and only owed a balance of $167. I called the rental office and she still would NOT let Dynzcil and I back in our home. I stayed calm and just said a prayer to God and said "Lord, your will be done." <~ This was odd behavior for me -- because I would have been a weeping willow but I was at peace with everything that was happening.
Thursday 3:30, I leave my brother's home to go to my 4:00pm interview. I arrive at 3:45 and the director is not there yet. So one of his staff asks me to draft a document for him by this time the director arrives and asks me to create a power point presentation (thank God I took the CIS 110 class this semester), he has me in his office for 4 hours!!!! While I am there my phone is blowing up from my sister-in law and my brother telling me to call my rental office and then the rental office begins to call!! NON-STOP! I finally had to turn my phone off because I was resolved I am staying in this man's office until he tells me I have the job! I briefly call my rental office and they ask me to come to the office A.S.A.P Well by the time I leave the directors office at 7:50pm he not only tells me Merry Christmas you have the job but he also gives my 3 year old son a brand new bike!!!
I immediately go to my apartment complex and by the time I get there the rental office manager has called me AGAIN, I explain why it took me so long and she says I have some news for you. I pull over because I have NO idea what she is going to tell me. She says, they are letting me back into my apartment AND that someone donated toys for my son's Christmas, they also had $110 gift card for me to Wal-Mart, $170 worth of grocery gift cards, and someone has made a payment on my rental account so I have a credit balance anywhere from $50 to a whole month's rent but she will not let me know the amount until I drop the $167 off to her and she says just get it into the office by Monday.
I immediately go to my apartment complex and by the time I get there the rental office manager has called me AGAIN, I explain why it took me so long and she says I have some news for you. I pull over because I have NO idea what she is going to tell me. She says, they are letting me back into my apartment AND that someone donated toys for my son's Christmas, they also had $110 gift card for me to Wal-Mart, $170 worth of grocery gift cards, and someone has made a payment on my rental account so I have a credit balance anywhere from $50 to a whole month's rent but she will not let me know the amount until I drop the $167 off to her and she says just get it into the office by Monday.
Friday, I go to my apartment and my home is packed DEEEEEP full of gifts for my son, plus a huge box of grocery sitting in my kitchen and a big old ham in my refrigerator(I don't even eat pork, LOL!!!!!)
Saturday is Christmas, after opening gifts with Dynnie we got dressed and went straight to church! (Why Sat, my denomination is Seventh-day Adventist) so I attend church on Saturday.
I share this with you all because I know for a fact there is someone else out there at their wits end and on their way to losing hope. I say hold on! I also learned in this process and through this year to just BE! Just exist! Stop trying to figure everything out -- stop thinking I have to be my own Dr.Phil.
Stop trying to fix it! Just Stop! STOP! And Just BE! My cousin Reggie who has the voice and countenance of God, I might add, LOL!! Had to remind me of the following verses
Matthew 6: 25-34 TNIV
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
God is not a liar and as the seniors say he may not come when you want him, but he is always right on time. I can honestly tell you he has proven the above verse to me more than once in 2010.
It is so hard not to worry but there comes a time when you just put that worry down because you are honestly tired of carrying it and that is exactly when the Lord steps in and answers your prayers in the way he feels best.
Be encouraged in 2011 to know if things have not begun to change for you -- you are a part of the process and your accountability is just to relax and just BE! Now that does not mean stop making efforts of improvement; but don't stress over what you cannot change. Stay focused, challenge yourself daily and work effortlessly towards the goals you set for yourself. Remember success is relative – everyone does not have to be the next superstar but being a good wife, mother, teacher, accountant, student, attorney, assistant or whatever your goals are – should be your measurement of success. Stay in line with God’s desire/will for you and press forward. It will not be easy but to seriously worry about things will add no more to accomplishing your task. The next day is going to come whether we want it to or not.
Be blessed everyone! I know I sure am!
"It's All God" - The Soul Seekers: Soul Seekers II
"It's All God" - The Soul Seekers: Soul Seekers II
